A closed friend of mine has always been noncomprehending of the two. She has been looking for boyfriend rather than looking for love.
I have always advised her to look for love. It is easy to find a boyfriend (or girlfriend) but it is very hard to find love.
Many people didn’t realised that the one they are courting or married to are not the one they love. They try to love them but in the end, finding themselves loving someone else. this has happened because they try to get themselve belonged to but in the wrong way they go. Often, finding love could be very obvious but for some, its love at large. What’s that one can love when one could only see the sexy muscle or for men’s, its just the VPL that attracts.
Girls especially, when they are courting a boy, they would play in their mind that this hunk is loving her. They started to imagine what love is rather than trying to experience what love truly is. They would think that love is for the boys to do things that they like and not doing things that they dislike. This is like asking the boy whom they is courting to change for them rather than accepting the person as-is. Boy is, on the other hand,Â more stable in their personality. But, they will “format” themselves when they come to the first date so that they will not show the girl their true image. However, all these will start to surface once the courtship or marriage starts.
However, they themselves would also changed themselves depending on the preferences of their boyfriend. If their boyfriend likes Britney Spear, they will personified Britney Spear. If the boyfriend favour is more orient, like , Jolin Tsai, they will personified her. This has causes them to change their own liking and lost their personality.
In all these lost of sight, they just looking for a boyfriend and lost their heart in doing so. Unknowingly hurting themselves because of perception deviations from their set of mind and their state of mind.
If a boy is in a relationship, he can only love one girl that was drawn on the blank parchment they bring to the first date. However, he may change his target in due time just because he has found out that the girl wanted him just because she wanted a boyfriend and not for love.
A girl will think that if a boy do not do what they want them to do, he don’t love her anymore. That assumption is totally wrong. Boy takes girl as she is. girls cannot. Only a girl will be willing to give up her virginity in order to retain a boy as her boyfriend. A very hefty price to pay.
A girl will also be the one falling in love with two boys at the same time. This is because she has not love yet or they have yet to understand what love is really about. Her intention is biological and chrononical. They takes in one boyfriend
Love is not about changes. It is all about accepting things as-is. It is also a to-be process where the end result is marriage and happily ever after.
Now, I know most of you would think that… Hey! That’s unfair… the fault could also be at the boy’s side.
Yup!. There are boys who cannot love. This is because they only want to live a life to the fullest. They only wanted to play around. This kind of thinking usually hurts those who truly love them or not and causes damages.
Sometimes, boys just wanted to be themselves. Most of the time, because of their love, they can give up bits of things here and there for her. but gradually, things will spring back to their old self. When this happens, girl would think that they have changed. In fact, they should have realised that this is the true self resurfacing rather than change.
I have several friends now who is in dilemma of various situations above. One is hunting for the wrong thing and put her commitment on the wrong subject. She has not follow her heart to tell her whether she truly loves him or not. She thinks that she is cheating on him(1) when she is about to go on a date with him(2). In fact, she chose him(1) because he(1) came first with the questions of commitment. But now that she is with him(2) she thinks that he(1) is probably not good enough and she regrets.
The other one has found out that she cannot trust him anymore …. after giving birth to two kids and with the third one coming very soon. She has been demanding him to change and he caved-in. However, now that he is having almost a full rebounce, she regreted about the three kids.
I truly hoped that these two friends of mind can read this and understand what is their positioning right now. I am not saying that they have done wrong in anyway when they meet him(all) but rather they miscommunicated their love with something else other than the true love they are about to discover.
The first friend may not understand this but I think in due time, she will. The second friends will understand that what feeling she has for him is superficial and is not as strong as the love she has for their kids. Only when she made these comparison of late that she discover her mistake of loving him in the wrong methods.